Zack

23/11/2009

My Brother, The Prankster

So this morning (beginning at 10 am) I started to receive an unusual amount of calls from numbers I didn’t know. I didn’t answer until about the fourth number came up when I realized it could be kind of important. It wasn’t.

“Hi this is Lawrence from Ft. Worth and I was calling in regards to the craigslist ad you posted about the 5 dollar rainbow-colored snuggies you’re selling. I need about 6. Hello?”

Which friend of mine posted an ad about selling bootleg multi-colored snuggies on the same site where you can find a gay ass call within a ten mile radius at any given time of day? Who do I know that is immature enough to sit at their computer in their spare time (probably drunk or high) and post fake ads for useless shit using their friend’s names? Oh, wait, it’s not any of my friends, just my brother Mack. You know, the same brother that got a bunch of strangers to hold balloons throw confetti and jump up and down shouting that my mom had won the Publisher’s Clearing House million dollar prize as a joke on her birthday two years ago. Or how about the time he thought it’d be fun to convince our entire class we were Jewish and did so by putting my Dad on the phone to do an impression of a rabbi praying from the Torah (he was just mumbling baseball statistics he had seen on ESPN under his breath). The real kicker: I, along with the pre-AP English class, a class my brother was not a part of, had to go to the Holocaust museum where I had to defend my faux Judaism while crammed inside a cattle car simulator.

“Why the hell did you put my name and number on Craigslist with a posting about selling cheap neon blankets??”

“BAHAHAHA They actually called? Who knew right? People love stupid shit. I’m sorry I’ll take it down later maybe…I gotta go though and I’m higher than Method Man right now and I have this Ravioli in the microwave plus there’s a Samuel L Jackson movie marathon coming on that I can’t miss. Love you bitch go sell some snuggies bahahah…”

So I decided to play too because I can’t let him have all the fun. As it turns out, while Mack was watching Shaft destiny dealt me a sweet ass card in the form of a college student who goes to Stephen F Austin, same school as Mack.

“Funny story you don’t even have to drive all the way to Arlington actually because the seamstress who makes the snuggies also lives in Nacogdoches, same as you! Fun right? Ok here’s his number and he’s very reclusive so there’s a certain kind of signal, if you will, that you have to use to prove to him that you’re not an alien invader or a spy for the government trying to steal his really good ideas. Ok so what you do when you call is right when he answers the phone you have to start singing Lady Gaga, any song by her of your choice immediately. He loves that Poker Face. Oh and he’s kind of hard of hearing so if you can lean more toward shouting the lyrics into the phone and really projecting the words that’d be much better. And he’ll probably act really confused and delusional like he doesn’t know what’s going on but it’s just an act so after you’re done singing a verse or the chorus or the entire song just state your salutation, name and end it with “if you’re nasty”. For example: “Ms. Jackson, if you’re nasty”. Got it? Finally you’ll need to get a phone book and read off everyone in it who has the last name Smith. Don’t worry it will take awhile and he’s patient even though it sounds like he’s disgruntled or confused. OH and don’t forget to call before 8 am. Good luck!

Happy pranking asshole!

Text posted at 19:04

Dear Dallas gay scene,

No. Just no. Stfu. no.

Text posted at 17:09

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Lady Gaga-Speechless

I’ll never talk again

Audio posted at 15:26

armandchickenpox:

glenncoco:

devindouche:

(via nameplease)

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHA!!

Photo posted at 00:07

22/11/2009

Gaga at the American Music Awards

Ok so this performance changed my opinion about Gagster and it really left me like Oh this bitch may be out there but she is a certifiable badass after this one I can’t even hate on her anymore. I’m not buying that Fame whore thing thats comes out tomorrow but maybe next cd.

Video posted at 22:35